Escape from
Christendom
Chapter two
THE WILDERNESS OF FORGIVENESS
The old man
has left the traveler standing alone at the edge of the desert as darkness falls. The lights of Christian City beckon from
behind him. I can imagine him thinking of the warmth of a friendly conversation over a warm meal and of going to sleep in a
comfortable bed. But then his expression becomes resolute and he murmurs, "This is doubtless the road I have to take. I
will find my life only by losing it, that's a certainty. But how can I know that if I take this path into the desert I
will assuredly be lost in God and not merely lost? I can remember many people who took a solitary path which led them not to the
City of God but into such unreal thoughts and spurious experiences that their minds and lives were destroyed. Surely the danger
of settling for less than life in Christian City has to be weighed against the possibility of losing it in a wilderness of
spiritual delusion. I'm sure that the darkness beyond contains not only the path to the City of God but also countless trapdoors
to hell, where one can be lost in lonely vanity. How can I be sure of distinguishing the true path?"
What I
first think in my dream to be a star hanging low over the horizon now takes the shape of a cross hanging directly above the path
in front of the traveler. He looks up and notices it, his face showing recognition. He whispers quietly, "Forgiveness."
And then with deep reverence quotes "'So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his
own blood. Therefore, let us go forth to him outside the camp, bearing abuse for him. For here we have no lasting city, but we
seek the city which is to come.... Yes, I will go on!" the traveler says exultantly, taking his first steps into the
desert.
As dawn
breaks he sees nothing but sand and sky and a path which can be distinguished from all the others by the cross which hovers
where the trail meets the horizon. As the day wears on it is obvious that the traveler is weary, thirsty, sick with heat. Just
when it appears he cannot trudge another step, a stranger appears at his side.
"Over
the next hill you will find a spring," she says. "Keep going; you are almost there," she encourages him.
He is soon
lying by a spring, drinking water and eating food which the helpful stranger provides.
"This
is the Wilderness of Forgiveness," she explains to the traveler. "People often expect God's forgiveness to be like a
beautiful park with fountains and rivers and green grass. They cannot understand why it should be a desert. Yet one has
to learn that God's forgiveness is everything -- everything! And this is possible only in a desert, where a Christian comes to
see nothing, appreciate nothing, hope in nothing but the cross of Jesus." She quotes several passages from Galatians to the
traveler:
But far be it from me to glory except
in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ,
by which the world has been crucified
to me, and I to the world. For neither
circumcision counts for anything, nor
uncircumcision, but a new creation.
Peace and mercy be upon all who walk by
this rule, upon the Israel of God
I have been crucified with Christ; it
is no longer I who live, but Christ who
lives in me; and the life I now live in
the flesh, I live by faith in the Son
of God, who loved me and gave himself for
me. I do not nullify the grace of God;
for if justification were through the law,
then Christ died to no purpose.
"Do you think the apostle Paul traveled this Wilderness?" asks the
traveler.
"Yes,
he did. For years Paul had worked very hard in the City of Religion, to be a religious man. Still he found no peace for his
spirit. Then Paul met Jesus; and from the start, Jesus meant one thing to Paul: forgiveness. He was over-whelmed with it. The
forgiveness of the cross was the theme of his life from then on. But Paul's first experience of the Kingdom of God as a reality
in his life was right here in this wilderness."
"So
I'm walking where the apostles walked." The traveler's voice is full of awe.
"Remember
when Peter lowered the net at the command of
Jesus and brought it up loaded with fish? His immediate response was, 'Leave me, Lord, I'm a sinner!' Jesus answered,
'Don't be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.' Implied in Jesus' answer was, 'I will take care of your sin.' And when
they brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed Jesus ---‑ followed Him here into this Wilderness of
Forgiveness in pursuit of a cross. After Jesus had died for Peter's sins and risen for his justification and was about to fill
Peter with the Holy Spirit, He said to this man who had denied Him three times, 'Simon, son of Jonas, Do you love me? … Feed
my sheep.' And in this thrice‑repeated question and command, Peter's life was healed with the forgiveness of his
Lord."
"For years," the traveler tells her, "I've been trying to get beyond theoretical, doctrinal forgiveness,
most probably what is taught in Christian City, in order to know forgiveness itself. I've wanted to be immersed, baptized, lost
in it. I have longed to hear Jesus say to me personally, 'Take heart, brother; your sins are forgiven.' I've wanted to have the
blood of the cross flow into my heart and purify it."
"You have come to the right place. Before you reach the other side of this Wilderness, you will experience the
relief of having that load of guilt, which still, in fact, weighs you down like a rock, rolled away. You will begin to walk
before God without shame. Just as you were once obsessed with the need to build yourself up, you will soon be obsessed with the
forgiveness of God."
"Obsessed
with the forgiveness of God?"
"You
will become so obsessed with God's mercy that you will be free, for the first time in your life, of other people's
opinions."
"Ha!
Not me." His response is immediate.
"The
woman who washed Jesus' feet with her tears was obsessed with His forgiveness to the point where she was heedless of the jeers
and opinions of others. Or the cleansed leper ‑--- he joyfully fell at Jesus' feet giving thanks for more than the
cleansing of his body; he had received the inner healing of forgiveness. When Zacchaeus climbed a tree to see Jesus, he was
watching his own forgiveness walking toward him down the road. So obsessed was he with the forgiveness which visited his life
that day that the chains of covetousness broke from his heart. You have come to the place where it will happen to you."
The
traveler resumes his journey, his mysterious companion walking silently by his side for an hour or two and then suddenly
disappearing.
"What
joy I feel!" the traveler exclaims aloud. "This must be what the disciples felt as they returned to Jerusalem after
the ascension of Jesus."
In the
cross‑shaped light, the traveler makes out the figure of another woman rising over the crest of the next dune and walking
slowly down the slope toward him. He appears to recognize her. From his expression I gather that this person has wronged him.
Her eyes are fixed on the traveler as she comes up to him.
"Will you forgive me?" she asks.
The
traveler stops still. The woman draws closer, asking a second time, "Will you forgive me?" They are face to face when
she asks for the third time, "Will you forgive me?" The traveler's mysterious companion is again at his side, quietly
instructing him, "This Wilderness of Forgiveness is not only a place for receiving forgiveness but also for giving it. This
woman is but the first of a procession of
The
traveler reaches out, takes the woman by the hand, looks into her
eyes And, replies, "Of course I forgive you!"
She weeps. And just as she forms the words, "'Thank you," she is gone.
Then the
man who called the traveler a fool in the
restaurant back in Christian City comes running and panting towards him. Mopping his face with his handkerchief, the
troubled man begins to beg forgiveness.
"Of
course, of course," the traveler replies heartily.
"It's nothing. Don't think another thing about it."
"Please don't take this matter so lightly. I need your forgiveness. Will you really forgive me, from the bottom of
your heart?"
"But I
already have," returns the traveler.
His companion illuminates the situation for him: "He needs your forgiveness. Not courtesy, but active, genuine
forgiveness. He needs your love."
"My
friend, you are forgiven," the traveler tells him earnestly with respect in his voice.
With visible relief the man sighs, "Thank you!" and
disappears into the desert air. His companion reminds him
of the verse in Matthew 18 which reads:
Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say seven times, but seventy times seven."
|
|
|